❤️🩹 Loving Yourself
Today on Valentine’s Day, I’m not giving you links to cute things to buy your girlfriends or your significant other.
I’m asking you to take good care of yourself and love yourself! I have never been good at this and my grief therapist has been drilling it into my head for years.
BUT, I’m getting better at it. I have bursts of thankfulness now and then, for a quick wit, my work ethic, my decent hair or my dutiful body that I have forced to work in the yard for decades… I am trying to be easier on myself.
It occurs to me that I might not be alone in my self-deprecating ways. You should be good to yourself too. (There are so many people out there that suffer depression/ anxiety - and this goes hand in hand with that illness. We can talk about that later.)
Let’s give ourselves a break. 💕
I found a great resource recently regarding self compassion. There is a website devoted to it, by doctor and author Kristin Neff. She has written two books on the subject, 10 years apart. Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, and more recently, Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. Her site has all sorts of resources - I think I have heard of her before.
She has a quiz you can take to see just how self-compassionate you are. My scores were pretty low. Well, really low. Overall I got a 1.9 out of 5. 😳
There are also lots of guided practices you can download to be better to yourself. And you can sign up to get emails from her with tips and encouragement.
Here are some exercises that she recommends, that sound very helpful ( and um, very familiar).
How would you treat a friend if he/she were suffering?
Take a self compassion break. Remember the three aspects of self compassion whenever you really need them. (I am really struggling - this is a moment of suffering; suffering is a part of life - common humanity; may I be kind to myself )
Write it down. Everyone has something(s) about themselves they don’t like. Write down your feelings about this and be accepting.
Supportive touch - Rub something that is sore, an area that hurts. Have someone give you a quick neck rub. Practice some great yoga stretches.
Change your critical self talk and reframe what that nasty little self voice tells you. After years of doing this, your brain becomes hardwired to do it. You have to work on it. You might be your own worst critic! I know I am.
Keep a journal. This can just help you reframe it as you write the words. Sometimes the harshness shows up better on paper. It can help you with mindfulness also.
Remember that when you are taking care of others, you should take care of yourself too. Again - treat yourself like you would a friend.
I just wanted to remind you ladies of this today. At this stage of life, we are taking care of our children, our grandchildren, older parents, friends and coworkers, and our significant others. We have great compassion for all those people. Let’s remember to take care of ourselves and have compassion for ourselves. And be thankful for the minds, hearts, bodies and souls that we were given. ❣️
“Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.”
….Jo Coudert